Man Bashed for Asking Girlfriend to Remove Prosthetic Leg Around Him

A man is being slammed online for repeatedly asking his girlfriend to remove her prosthetic leg around him.

The woman, u/Conscious_Coffee_609, shared her side of the story to the popular Reddit forum r/AmItheA******, earning over 9,800 upvotes and 1,600 comments for her post, "[Am I the A******] for refusing to remove my Prosthetic for my Boyfriend?"

The original poster (OP) says she lost the lower part of her left leg in a car accident she suffered as a child. Though it "in no way hinders" her life, she's sensitive about removing it in front of people. She only will take it off around immediate family and very close friends, as it's understandably difficult for her to get around without it.

Her boyfriend of five months, however, has become more insistent that she remove the prosthetic around him. Initially, she says, he'd "suggest i'd be more comfortable with it off," but she says he's grown into requesting she take it off after she ignored his "suggestions." She says that it's not just the lack of mobility with the prosthetic off that bothers her.

"I finally told him I wasn't comfortable with removing my leg around him yet as I didn't feel we were there. My leg despite the fact I can move well in it is a source of trauma for me due to bullying and having had past partners be repulsed once I took it off around them and I told him as much but all he took from that is I don't trust him and think he'd be swayed and not like me anymore," u/Conscious_Coffee_609 wrote.

She says that everything else is going well in their relationship, but her decision not to remove the prosthetic has made him upset. He says that it's a sign she doesn't trust him and her "thinking he'd 'do' something" with it off.

"I'm starting to feel some pressure here I like him a lot and maybe i'm making it into a bigger deal than it has to be? I don't want to upset him and maybe i'm being unfair?" she wrote, asking the subreddit if she's in the wrong.

Prosthetics are coming a long way. And while people with them can do amazing things, many able-bodied people can sometimes treat disabled people callously, even without meaning to. Though u/Conscious_Coffee_609's boyfriend presumably isn't setting out to make her uncomfortable with his requests—and he may even see the requests as being supportive—there appears to be a communication gap between them.

Lena Suarez-Angelino, LCSW spoke to Newsweek about the situation and how both parties may feel hurt by the other, being sure to say that both the OP's and her boyfriend's feelings are valid. She says that while OP has trauma from the accident as well as the bullying and rejection she's faced in the past, her boyfriend "may be hurt by not being 'included' in what she considers to be family or close friends."

"In the same breath, as the non-disabled person, he has to take a step back and create a safe space for his girlfriend to remove her prosthetic when she feels safe to do so. This can look different from person to person, as it is a very personal and vulnerable experience," Suarez-Angelino said.

She suggested that the OP let her boyfriend know that while he is indeed someone she trusts, she should tell him that with the prosthetic, "there is a lot more to process and work through." She suggests the OP—and other people in a similar situation—share some of her past experiences, and ask for the space to remove her prosthetic when she feels "the time is right, rather than being repeatedly asked or pressured to do so."

"Additionally, explore what removing the prosthetic would do for their partner. For example, would it feel as if it brought them closer together, or is it something that they are more curious and intrigued by? Being able to take the time to understand each parties' thoughts and feelings, through open and honest communication is the healthiest way to handle a situation such as this," Suarez-Angelino told Newsweek.

Redditors, however, were more harsh on the OP's boyfriend for trying to pressure her to remove the prosthetic before she was ready.

"Anytime you say 'I'm uncomfortable with doing x; and someone else says 'that's because you don't trust me, now do it anyway' that person is trying to control you. This is not a difference of opinion worth working out," u/bilinksi wrote, earning 13,700 upvotes for their comment.

"Why does she need to show him that she trust him? What else does she need to do? She has told him how she feels, and that it is a source of trauma, she has been intimate with him. All of those are signs of trust," u/SkyLightk23 wrote.

"Why doesn't he start showing he trusts her and respect her by accepting her boundaries instead of guilt triping her? I would be would you if this was the one time thing and he was sulking after the first no, yeah immature, you could work through that. But this is a person that has heard no many times and can't accept it and is making OP uncomfortable and the worst part she is questioning herself, she is thinking she might be exaggerating. That is a red flag. He doesn't make her feel safe or secure and is trying to force her to give her boundaries up while making her feel she is exaggerating. [Not the A******]," they continued.

"Yes. OP, he may just be using this as "proof" that you're comfortable around him, but he's thinking of it the wrong way. It's an accessibility aid, and there's no need to take if off in the daytime especially," u/Agreeable-Celery811 wrote. "Let's think of it this way. Does he wear glasses? I do. I have a partner I've been with for 20 years. I trust him a lot. Do I take my glasses off to show my 'trust'? No, because I need them to see. You need your prosthetic to walk. So like. You have to keep it on."

"BOUNDARIES PEOPLE BOUNDARIES. it's okay to not feel comfortable doing something for/with/around someone. You stated your concern/boundries. And unfortunately he became aggressive about it. I wouldnt stand for that. Have a chat with him. Say hey these are my boundaries and respect them or leave. You shouldn't have to feel forced to do anything that reminds you of trauma. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But [Not the A******], u/Formal_Entrance_7076 wrote.

Newsweek reached out to u/Conscious_Coffee_609 for comment. We could not verify the details of this case.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

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